Innocence

The window of opportunity takes on new meaning when seen through the view-finder of the camera. For instance, the two photographs below were captured at just the right moment. They are exhibits in my continual efforts towards proficiency behind the camera.

1) Location: Dive Agar Beach, Konkan Coast
Sunset.

2) Location: Deer Park, Tirumala Hill Slopes, Karnataka.
Just won't pose!!!

My Dirty (Right) Foot

With the EURO on in full swing it inspires me (yes, I have given up the "one" tag since I realised my meagre vocabulary and dismal grammar do not permit such a luxury) to tell a tale about my exploits on a football pitch. But before that some key facts:

• Approximate age at which intentional contact was first made with a football: 7 yrs (direct result being loss of 2 incisors- I was going for a header!!!)
• Time for which I have been playing proper football: Around 3 years
• Goals scored: none
• Goals defended*: lost count

Being completely devoid of even an iota of skill, I often bank upon factors such as sheer dumb luck and opposition mistakes to justify my presence on the field. A direct fallout of this is that I tend to use the right foot more than my left in attempts to change the direction of rolling or movement (forget about dribbling people!!) of the ball. Hence on rainy days the right shoe is a lot dirtier when I get home. As a result of my phenomenal ball control I was assigned to the defensive line up as a full back. Eventually realising that this was still a major liability- "Tu ja goalie ban le". I was of course elated. Finally I had been accepted(pooh!). I had made myself a place, a niche even!(No one else was interested). So began my journey.

*Goals defended: Lost count Well, as my journey at the line began (I wouldn't move much, was generally never tired and would constantly bark instructions which bounced off the walls of the closest cement structure), it became evident that there was a spark there. Once in every ten goals scored through my guard, the ball would graze against some part of my body, causing it to deflect away from the intended target. A collection of all such instances are called saves. There have been innumerable such saves but not everyone endorses the above definition. They believe the GD count should be a bold zero.

The Road Ahead: You do realise I was made for this game. Therefore out of complete pity (read as utter awe in the light of skills displayed) I am occasionally allowed to sniff the midfield grass nowadays and often receive pats on the back for passing the ball to the right player. People even cheer if any pass ensuing from my (right, obviously) foot even sniffs the D-top. I see myself going a long way- a long way ahead!

Sweet Car-ess

Pedestrians face newer and bolder challenges nowadays on the streets. Wet streets, coupled with one crazy amateur on four wheels means that Life Insurance is now mandatory or your children suffer!!!

Only last evening, to add to the latest list of possibly tragic casualties, a rather plump woman had her ear nicked- literally- when the side view mirror of the car one was driving hit her (she was appreciably short; still not a strong enough eason to get a "kaan ke niiche"). The horrifying thrill of being behind the wheel gets accentuated when mortals wander too close or too fast. Complete apparent loss of control(the car is in [expletive] gear) is the emotion that comes to the fore and last evening was no different. "Stay Calm", Yeah right!; worthless advice- some poor soul is gonna see the light soon and stay calm is the best thing anyone can come up with. Why not try something like "TURN [EXPLETIVE] LEFT YOU MORON, CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE VEERING TO THE RIGHT TOO MUCH???!@!&*&#^*&#". Then again it depends who you have in the advice chair. Some fascinating scenarios (One has personally never been in the midst of any of the following, but the reaction would be no different; if fate ever is kind enough) have been concocted below:

1) The smartest kid in college:
Smart Guy: We're all gonna die.
One: Shut up!
SG: What was anyone playing with when they gave you the car?
One: I said shut the [expletive] up!
SG:{horrified expression} You just used a bad word!!
One: Nappy pants....
SG: I wan't out now
One: Fine, jump to your death then
{In the meanwhile, two pedestrians have almost been shown the door and a cyclist is having a tough time coming to terms with his possible recent paralysis}

2) A leading dermatosurgeon
Doc: Do you know you have blackheads on your nose? My clinic offers excellent treatment
One: Dumbass, the end is near- say your prayers!
Doc: Post traumatic scars can often be as damaging as the injury itself. Why not consider Lucid Cream- complete skin solutions.
One: Which part of 'you're gonna be wiped off the face of the earth' don't you understand???
Doc: Don't fight it. Acceptance is the first step
{Both the occupants of the motorised vehicle have, well, they've gone over- overboard that is; through the windshield!!. What's up, Doc??}

3) Avnish(*)
A: Enthu, tula kay vattay, exactly kay trajectory asel tya kutryachi. I mean exactly how high should he be hit so that he'll land in the lap of the dame at the end of the lane.
One: Dunno man.. Tu sang
A: Ajun thoda straighten kar. Then floor her (the car I mean) and just before impact turn on the wipers!
One: Righto captain.
{Showing complete lack of sense that is supposed to be so common among those of the human race, the car actually accelerates down a narrow country lane- all for the benifit of science. The guiding philospophy- a greater good is being pursued and the dame was overweight anyway}
*=>Avnish : Sorry about your explicit mention but often when gears are changed, one wonders whether its all that mechanically viable in the current scheme of things! [:P]}

So the final statistics seem to appear somewhat like this:

• The odds that in walking for 1 km on Pune roads you will break a bone in your body= 15:1
• The odds that what you break keeps you in bed(not the lucky laid type)= 5:1
• The odds that the above case may be inflicted upon you with my addition to traffic= 50:1
• The net change in your fortune= almost none

Its all as safe as it was before this post- if you consider a continual fight for survival as safe. Godspeed!