With the semester finally ridding itself of various levels of ugly vermin, the time had come once again to look heavenwards for yet another session of mingling with the bigger players. Patient research and complete lack of any source of self occupation had driven PK and his mates years ago into roaming barren country lanes for photonal solace. Finally, after some effort it seems they managed to locate at a distance of 40 kms from the city the perfect spot for astronomical exploits.
The maddening seclusion of this place really hits one when the sun dips down and the all consuming darkness remains true to its name. On a virtually moonless night (1/3rd phase- rising late at 0400) the soft shadows on the dusty earth were testament of what promised to be a fulfilling session of star gazing. For the shadows were inspired to existence by not the usual hazy blips in the night sky but sharp and majestic balls of hot gases that roared away an incomprehensible distance away. Tales of travel through the unknown occasionally flitted in and out as Betelgeuse set early in the evening setting up the stage for a magical night.
But the awestruck, the bored, the BTDT, the sleepy all looked forward to that late night shot of masala chai to keep spirits and eyelids high. So an attempt was made to light a fire. In the ensuing 45 minutes the few of us assigned this historic task realised why we need whirlwind geniuses every fifty years- because even after having gone through two assignments in Infinite Series as fuel (we hoped the frustration in the pages would feed the hungry fire more but were saddened to know that elements don't hold grudges when one really needs them to) the common man had learnt to make fire but not control it.
"... and news brought to you here on the sub-etha wave band, broadcasting around the galaxy around the clock," squawked a voice, "and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere... and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys"
And so three brave soldiers tried their hand (at a safe distance) to conquer and control that beasty rage and the volley of suggestions/ instructions to fill the cool night air were somewhat like this:
One: Arre yaar, ye kaise kaam dete hain hame.. Chai banao.. Useless [expletive]s. Chal main thoda lakdi dhoond lata hoon.
Sith: The trick is to keep the fire going... Just wait till the wood takes heat and then watch it burn.
Guru Diplomat: hmmm....[thoughtful amused look]
One: Here... now where's that lighter.. Ah yes.. Here goes
[Crackling sounds are heard in the background. The unmistakable smell of burning paper fills the air]
Sith: Shit! paper burns really fast!
Guru: Thoda vo dry grass try karte hain
Sith: Excellent.. We'll feed it like one of those coal furnaces.
[An envelope of smoke has now, well- enveloped the entire school courtyard where the mission is taking place- soft sounds of coughing from the hut nearby puncture the pristine silence of the night]
One: Vo kuch to oxygen ka problem rahega... More paper
[The last few lines of Assignment II are reduced to embers. Twenty minutes have passed and the water is showing no signs of agitation]
One: Apun kya karte.. [cough.. splutter..choke.. tears from eyes] aur thoda ladki marke dekhte hain]
Guru: You're going about this all wrong...[huffs and puffs and brings the straw to red hot state]
[entry of GPA gollum.. news from the paddock.. the concoction must be hot and palpable in ten minutes time]
Guru: Abhi dekho...main ye jalata hoon.. sab ekdum mast ho jayega.. [three pieces of traditional dried dung cakes are now fed into the frenzy.. the smoke and the plot both thicken]
Sith: Whats happening is that were not able to maintain fire temperature... [dips finger in water to test situation] 60 degrees... we have very little time.. it seems we'll have to feed the folks lukewarm tea
One: Are vo pani ke surface pe kala kala kya hai?
Guru: Straw paper and baki cheezon ka jala hua usme ud gaya hai..
Sith: No worries [grabs a sieve.. fishes out the debris] In this kinda temperatue no bacteria can survive.
Guru:[Nodding in agreement]
One:[Expression unclear]
Sith:[Elated at his own revelation]
One: They're here... I can see them coming.
Sith: Quick.. grab the premix and pour it in.. Before its too late.
[Estimated water temperature after an hour of exercise commencement- 80 degrees]
Guru: Main mix karta.. tu glass leke aa
[Sith obeys obediently]
One: Saala, chai ka rang aa gaya... kuch smell bhi aa raha hai..
Sith:[Visibly releived and glowing] I told you this would work
Guru: Itna udd mat.. We have not tasted it yet
One: Haan
Sith:[Mixed expression of anxiety and excitement] It'll be brilliant, I'm telling you
[By this time what remains below the vessel is a mound of ash and embers. There is confusion to the onlookers whether its the surface of the tea that is giving off heat or the smoke in all is glory. We're obviously pushing for the former case]
Sith:OY COME ON.. Chai is ready
And in this fashion potential poisoning was avoided and no deaths have been reported till this time. Opinions regarding the actual thing have been omitted from this post for the sheer number of [expletive]s used in the conversation that followed. A perfect end!!!
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