Hot, Sweet and Cute

The frugal yet timely use of the above words by females all over the world in seemingly (to the male brain) unusual situations has led to my writing this. To the untrained eyes as well as ears- each of the exclamations will appear out of place; but only after sufficient deliberation (a process of self discovery) will one really appreciate the subtlety of the implications. Hot, sweet and cute make up the trident of impression and judgement as they are meted out to classify the male in question- a classification that lingers on only to ever be influenced by third party intervention or churlish cat fights.

So what exactly is required to be graded hot, sweet or for that matter cute? The answer is evasive but results of the research suggest the following:

1. In a group of upto three girls, the first impression made on any one of them automatically becomes the default expression for the other two. This first impression must be expressed publicly for it to count. Its mere presence in the mind's eye qualifies as void.
2. When the crowd is beyond three, your chances somewhat improve*. Once an opinion(not impression) has been made, a first level of inspection on their part is made. A series of giggles later the final judgement is passed. This judgement is considered to be unanimous in every sense and is final.
3. Acts of service, manner of laughing, sense of dressing and accessories that accompany you are critical factors on which your HSC quotient depends.
4. At no point in time must you try to fathom why it is that you have been associated with a particular adjective. Men have been driven as far as insanity in trying to answer such questions and have failed. Often, they find it easier to find a solution to the String Theory using celestial mechanics. Failure in this exercise brings with it repercussions that are no doubt severe. But the sheer helplessness to figure out what churns on within is a greater load to bare than not being able to solve one of the greatest Physics problems posed before mankind.
5. There is this misconception among males that it is possible to alter the HSC quotient. Nothing you can do can ever change what you are (supposed to be). 6 packs, chiseled face blah blah blah- all worthless if you're already "sweet".
6. Trying to be what you're not has led in many cases to incorrect branding (or so the other side say). It has to do with drastic behavioural change- what is commonly referred to as an attempt to "impress". It may momentarily be comforting to know you have earned yourself a better* tag. In the long run you will lose out in the race because they will perceive you as a "mistake"- the subconscious automatically directing the query of your whole personality to that first take!

In the final analysis what can be even called the moral of the story it would do man-kind a great deal of good to simply mind one's own business on the road and proceed to the intended destination without pausing to think. Somehow, one must learn to seal away the ears from those damned words that float over to corrupt the rational chain of thought. Or simply say:

Cocoa is Hot

Sugar is Sweet

A alarmingly large stuffed bear is (somehow) Cute

* Depends- whether you think cute is a better way of defining you that hot.

Disclaimer: All the statements that compose the body of this post are shrewd guesses and conclusions drawn on the basis of incorrect and insufficient analysis. If serious emotional scarring were to befall you due to your course of action on reading this post, the responsibility shall not be borne by the author in any way. The author of this post would like to stress on the fact that at no point of time does he understand the magical ways of the female brain. The author is also not a clinical psychologist or counsellor of any kind. If at any point of time you wish to differ with the author's opinion- feel free to do so. If you persist with your effort and try and convince the author you are right- you will lose that debate. The use of the above information in an unsupervised manner may lead to serious relationship problems. Discretion is advised.